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Last Post For Awhile

Feb. 18th, 2009 | 09:39 pm
location: Home Office
music: Train Song - Feist and Ben Gibbard

2 weeks into the semester and I've failed a calculus quiz (Ms. Racjhel is excusing), become fucked for a social TEST tomorrow and been sick for a week.

I am feeling really un motivated in all aspects of my life so my new regime kicks in saturday morning when I get home from my dad's house.
You guys are probably sick of seeing these self reforming journals but srsly that's the only reason I need a journal.

Weekdays
-Bed at 11, I have been staying up till 10 to watch shows but seriously they are ALL on the internet now.
-No computer before dinner, I have said this alot but srsly! like there is SO many things I wish would take priority over the computer.
-I am hoping to get some more shifts so probs no computer like 2-3x a week at all which is good for me.

Weekends
-No rules because I won't follow them and I will always have excuses.

I may or may not drop calculus. Mr. Chee says that I should take it till march 11 and if it's stil soooo hard (it will be) I can drop it. Ms. Racjhel said I can still come to class and take notes even if I drop it so I will have a leg up in university.

Okay this is my last journal for a couple months. I will hopefully Start doing weekly journals but they will be in diary mode. LOL @ me posting shirtless pictures. If I ever become comfortable with my naked self then I may eventually transfer the journal into readable mode. Thanks for reading this far. I am not writing to much else because it sems the more I talk about stuff the harded it becomes for me to follow through. Figure that hey? complete opposite of what I used to say.

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Follow your lead

Jan. 21st, 2009 | 06:03 pm

http://i198.photobucket.com/albums/aa172/Saturninus_Art/FUTURE.jpg

I followed Jenessa is this trend. All photos un touched, a blue overlay was added however after the images were compiled to ensure they flowed to together.

Val's Turn!

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New Semesters are Better for Resolutions

Jan. 19th, 2009 | 10:25 pm


K time to compile a new set of guidelines for my life for the new semester!!!
I feel off the horse big time as soon as christmas vacay started and I can maintain a new schedual with new classes

Starting Wednesday January 28:
Some rules do not apply to weekends
1/2 Hour of Computer a Night (AFTER DINNER!)
-I was doing this for awhile but I got addicted again.
Homework Begins IMMEADIATELY When I Get Home
-Sounds better for studying, I should be able to get alot done on my spare
Work Out Begins as Soon as Homework is Finished and Goes Until 20 Minutes Before Dinner
-other wise I have NO appetite
NO After School Snacking
NO Desserts
Saturday or Friday is the Break Day
Sundays I work, no workout, still healthy eating.

I now swear off eating out in full portions, half of my regular portions now
and only tall starbuck and noooo jugo or booster juices
NO TIM HORTON'S

Meals on Weekdays
BREAKFAST,
Oatmeal
LUNCH,
One sandwich (whole wheat with one condament with spinach and a protein)
A Fruit
A low suger and calorie juice box
DINNER
What ever my mom makes, however I will begin eating her portions not ricks (my mom also substitues pastas and carbs with vegis which will help out alot!)

I am going to start The juice fast when my parent's get home from jamaica because it'll be easier doing it from home, and there is no point doing it 3 days before grad photos I will see NO results.

I'll compile a work list tomorrow or wendesday night because I feel like I have a lot to do and I can't remember much of it now.

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Ahh Diagrams and Distance!

Jan. 8th, 2009 | 06:15 pm
location: same as always
music: Poker Face (acoustic) -Lady GaGa


So I return home today and to my surprise I GOT 100FREAKING% ON THE MATH PROJECT! It's amazing to be me at this current moment, seeing as the class average was 60% and only one other person got 100 and my mark went up a whole percent. 

ANYWAYS! Yay I am pretty much positive I will be going to u of c next year which more than I could have said a month ago or even a week. It's becoming very relaxing to know where my life is going, and I wish I could have had my current work habbits like years ago when I was capable but unwilling. I am relieved to know that I shed the 6 pounds I gained over christmas!

DOWNLOAD THIS SONG BY LADY GAGA! SERIOUSLY EVEN IF YOU DON'T LIKE HER, YOU'LL LOVE THIS SONG! SERIOUSLY DOWNLOAD IT NOW! :

http://www.zshare.net/audio/5384188811f50db8/

So I am finished my exams on the 26th and I plan on starting the master clense on the 27th! I am very excited, I have always wanted to do it and I am finaly going to. It's a little scarry reading about the will power and shitty(lol) horror stories. But the gain is way more than the loss! I am looking forward to the weight loss, but more importantly the improvements it makes inside of your body and your skin.

Anyways bye talk to you latergators!

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That's not so hard, I guess.

Nov. 24th, 2008 | 06:48 pm
location: the confrence room in my head
mood: draineddrained
music: starstruck - Lady Gaga

So I kinda fell off the horse for a bit. I skipped a week of working out. I told myself " your knee hurts, duh! what good will it do ya. it'll be boring doing stuff without doing the treadmill part." BLAHBLAHBLAH! Seriously I was being soooo stupid! And then I started spazzing going on to myself about how I am screwing up school and going to go so far downhill. Like christ! I guess I was being self destructive because I am doing BETTER in all my classes I only screwed up ONE math test. Which I will be able to replace when we do the field test.

Anyways I worked out all last week and I plan on doing it again this week. My brother in law says that he used to be a personal trainer, and he wants to show me the in's and out's of a gym and train me! I am sooo stoked. He was telling me about all these cool tricks he knows to get permanent results with less effort. Ahhh exciting! I have also been watching my calories, bringing in less high calorie snacks for lunch and not having an after school snack or having dessert after dinner.  I have yet to notice any results! Geez it's uninspiring, but I don't reason with myself as much anymore.

On the work front I am doing pretty good. I work sporadically and am saving up a nice little bunch of money for christmas. Jenessa, what do you want?

Valorie got some sweet shoes a couple weekends ago and now I want a pair of the same brand! Ahh sooooooo bad. Seriously. And some true religons. fuck.
After christmas I am seriously going to buy so much shit with the money i earn. I'll be stylin' ;D

I miss my bb. God she taking as long in england as she does in the fucking bathroom. Hello!? My turn!

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So this is what persistence looks like?!

Nov. 5th, 2008 | 07:53 pm
location: Treadmill
mood: curiouscurious
music: Robocop - Kanye West


Omg I have never been persistent in my entire life! That is, until now. I have been able to keep up an honours average D: Do you guys know if you can get honours in grade 12, if you haven't gotten them before? And if you do, is it the gold level or bronze?

Anywaysss I really screwed up the last math unit, but this unit I am doing pretty decent in. I need to get at least an 80% on my final tomorrow inorder to keep my average in the 'A' range ahhhhhh. I wish jenessa was here so I could copy off her test. I discovered a new band, again yesterday :) .

Natalie Portman's Shaved head is like the funniest band ever, I thought they were a gag band for a long time, but upon further inspection I realized their songs are kinda cute. Look up the music video 'Sophisticated Side Ponytail" on youtube, it's sooo funny. Man oh man I am quickly loosing inspiration in all aspects of my life but I feel like I am gaining a bit from writing on livejournal, lets hope I can keep this up. I seriously need to start on my reponse to the queen. Jeez, she sent me a letter awhile ago and like you seriously should reply ASAP when that happens, like seriously she's the queen, you don't want to leave her hanging. Let alone use improper manners when eating in front of her. *Flashback of poutine in chinook mall* Oh, in case you haven't noticed, the queen is Jenessa.

-Insert Rant- I was going to write all about my ridiculous work situation right now, But I'll save that for tomorrow, or at least the next update. I have been drawing comfort from cuddling with my new teddy bear, yay for getting me through lonely times.

FITNESS UPDATE!

I have been persistently excersising, which you are probably sick of me saying, but it helps me continue everyday. My knee was really acting up so I decided to focus on my arms with push up, butterfly lifts, bicep curls, and some other random excersises I found online. I also walked with 10pound weights in my hands for 34 minutes, managing to fit in a bit of cardio. I also got some new runners to run in, YAYY. Who knew they were named 'runners' because you were supposed to run in them, I for one didn't.

Alright, TV time.
Zach >;D

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Petechiae? More like Pukey-Eye!

Nov. 3rd, 2008 | 07:39 pm
location: office
mood: anxiousanxious
music: Lovers in Japan - Coldplay


God, after having to cancel a plan with a hotty-hot-hotty, I got to spend an evening with a bunch of adult strangers that work at the medical examiners office. Fun, oh so fun. They thought it would be crazy funny to get me wasted! I thought it was a great idea too! So wasted, I watch everyone leave. Tripping, falling, and admiring the now, 70 pound puppy, my dad asks me to do some shots. Hells yeah! 6-8 shots of Appleton Rum later, I am completely above the clouds enjoying watching myself fall around the house.

After a drunken call to Ms. Weiker, I got sick everywhere! Nasty 2 hours of puking for sure! My dad nursed me back to health and I slept. The next day I visit my grandmother hung over and complain about my newly developed 'FLU'.

LOL I ate soooo much beef jerky on sunday! jeeeezzzzz.. Now I have these red dots around my eyes called 'petechiae' apparently something you get from puking a lot. My dad finds it more fitting to call them Pukey-eye as he retells me the night's events over and over,

Today my aunt Lorraine died. I haven't seen her since her cancer took a turn for the worse. I only remember her as the funny happy carrot top she used to be. I kinda wished I had seen her more recently, but I appreciate the fact that I don't know her the way she died, but the way she was. I am scarred about the looming funeral.

FITNESS UPDATE!
Saturday
- 3MILES
- Push ups and Sit ups
- No calorie counter on my dad's treadmill, boo :(
- Newly acquired resistance band! ; Currently unused

Today
- 3.5km's
- Push ups and sit ups
- Lunges, Squats
- Researched some new exercises for tomorrow!

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Treading Mill

Oct. 30th, 2008 | 07:13 pm

Gosh ran 4km today. well ran 3 walked 1.
took me about 40 something minutes and burned 7XX calories.

Meh, I don't even care about calories. But I listened to my ipod while I watched the tv on mute and time went by soooo fast, and I forget to remind myself when I got tired, which was a really cool thing. This might not seem like a lot to you guys, but it is a lot to me.

Going to my dad's house tomorrow, need to stop off at the mall first to pick him up a PS3 game and a card. Here's to buying stuff with the savings account I am not allowed to touch 8D

I got an 88 on my math test, my friends don't even congratulate me anymore. They kind of giggle and look away. They're probably jealous, but it's really discouraging. I always go good job. You'd think this would be because I am overpowering and going "LOOK, LOOK, I GOT BETTER THAN YOU ON THE MATH TEST!" But they're seriously asking me what I am getting and then when they find out won't talk to me anymore. Urggg whatever.

Another day in calgary, Is it just me or is it really freaking warm for this time of year.
LURV YOU GLOBAL WARMING
-Zachattack

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Halloweenie

Oct. 29th, 2008 | 08:31 pm
location: basement
mood: accomplishedaccomplished
music: Letter to Me -Brad Paisley


     I don't want to be a halloweenie, but I don't have a costume. Let alone shifts at work to pay for a costume. Ahhhhhh I called my boss today and after a threat on my life I am going to begin working again. I guess that's good but I'm starting to stress out about homework levels which have been fluctuating randomly lately. God forbid my job affects my 84 average D:<

     Today was day 2 of the regime I have made myself. I have been exercising alot lately, but I decided to make a schedual to organize my thoughts and efforts. My step dad is doing back flips about the fact that I am getting physical activity. God it really makes me un motivationated because the last thing I want to do is make him happy, especially if it is accompanied with pride for me. Anyways, it's not that bad that he is happy because he bought me these 15-30 pound weights.

To Jenessa:
 Will be buff and stuff hopefully when you get home.

To Valerie:
You probably won't even notice any changes in me, since we see each other often enough. hopefully I'll get hotter non the less.

Alright then, an LJ post with no intention. I am getting the hang of this!

Now forget about my 'Masculinity" when I follow in the steps of gossip girl.

You know you love me,
xoxo
Gossip Girl
Zach ;D

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(no subject)

Aug. 19th, 2008 | 11:45 pm
mood: distresseddistressed

I 've always hated reading these self hating journal entries, but in my situation I am willing to do anything that may ease my mind.

I don't really know how to start writing about the biggest problem in my sad life right now. I am going to retell everything that has happened with my best friend and I that I feel needs to be said so if you are busy don't read this. I hereby deem this following story entirely full of mistakes as I will not be proof readin it.

In grade 10 I came to a new HS with a built in best friend, lets call her 'smelly'. She had inspired me to start drawing and pursue new interests like anime. I had alot of issues in middle school with self loathing and so by finding someone with as many insecurities as me we seemed to find eachother instinctivley. Lookingback at middle school I can see that I wasn't as disliked as I had felt, but my friendship with 'smelly' pretty much took me to the lowest level of the food chain. Anyways, me and 'smelly' had both decided to enter the arts program at the HS and were very excited to embark on a new adventure, together. 

This new art program consisted of a new art teacher let's call him 'smelly senior' although I hated him from the beging of the semester, my time with 'smelly' made it all worth wild. On the other side of the room was a to-her-self red head who came off as a book loving quiet girl. Another girl I went to junior high with named jessie latched on to the red head and deemed her friend worthy. 'Smelly' Jessie and I all ate lunch together the first couple days of school and as I remeber the red-head was invited to eat with us.

 Jenessa, as the red-head girl was named shared every single one of her first semester classes with me. We quickly buddied up as I believe I was looking for an escape route from 'smelly's' world of unpopularity. The year went on and we shared the mjority of our school time together. There was some drama with Jessie and Jenessa, as Jessie saw our friendship as me stealing jenessa away, that's no longer relevant. I had always thought of Jenessa as my bestfiend since half way through the year. She thought I was somewhat popular, but in truth she was my only true friend. Jenessa saw me as a regular friend as she was in truth far more socalized and for lack of a better term popular. 

This whole year of grade 11has been full of drama and jelousy al emitting from my corner. And for no apparent reason Jenessa has stuck by me.

 She knows all my secrets and all my faults. When I have a crisis she's the only one I feel comfortable calling, she knows better than to attempt to make me feel better, while providing her support through listening through unjudgmental ears. She fuels my passion for everything I do in life. I am begining to realize I only draw because she enjoys seeing my artwork so much. The only reason I passed math this year is because I was trying to catch up to her. She sets an unobtainable standard for my life that fuels me to at least come near an acceptable level. Her constant suggestions and support are the sole reason for all progress in my life. I know I shouldn't be writing this but instead telling you. I just can't bring myself to organize my thoughts in a logical thorugh speaking.

Now, with all my life dependant on her, she's leaving. I am constantly reminding myself it's my fault that I put so much on her exsistence. I can honestly say the passions in my life are leaving with her. My love for her is so deep that I am struggling to continue writing this as I can barely see my computer screen through my tears. 

I hate myself for wanting to write this.
I hate myself for being so selfish, a real best friend would be over joyed at the experience she is about to embark on. 
I hate myself for being so envious of her personality, and confidence she presents herself with. (though I am quickly learning is not the case behind closed doors.)
And as much as I regret it, I hate her for leaving, for her lack of emotions, her care free attitude and her ability not to face the situation. All of which spring from envy, a sin. 

I am scared of my life without you. I am scared that my feeling for you may not stay in tact. But most of all I am completly terrified that you will forget about me and leave me behind in your dust. You deserve someone much stroger than me. You are going places in life, I can only pray you bring me with you. I love you jenessa, and I want you to completely enjoy your trip of a lifetime. I sincerely hope you can leave your emotions behind and constantly send me letters and postcards.

"It's only ten months, that's not even a year."
-My bestfriend.
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